The Mistress quagmire
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There are so many different types of dominant women out there. And we certainly aren't all the same, even though we go by the same title of ‘Mistress’ – there are many who choose other titles, such as: Godess, Queen and Lady … for the purpose of this blog I'm going to refer to all Dominant women as Mistress unless a different title is suitable for the area of focus.
I want to help all submissives try and figure out the differences between Mistresses. Because after speaking to the many subs that call and email me, along with those who I call friends. I've noticed something I wasn't aware of before – not only ibs finding the right Mistress for you hard enough, it is truly a quagmire for subs figuring out our differences in type of person, type of service, expectations, and so much more. And why was I previously not aware of these issues? Well, firstly I was originally only on the lifestyle side of BDSM and had my own struggles finding the right submissives for myself. Essentially I was in a sheltered echo chamber, it wasn't all bad by no means. I learnt my craft by living it, experiencing it, interacting with it and questioning everything.
So to expand your knowledge on a few basic issues before I continue:
What are ‘Lifestlye’ and 'Pro’ and the differences between them?
1. Lifestyle fetish or fet people, are those who live and breath everything BDSM, that they personally enjoy. Anything from 24/7, to only in the bedroom as and when the mood takes them. The first key piece of information to remember here folks, is ... it's done for the love and enjoyment only of it and not for a fee. The second key piece of information to remember especially as a submissive, is … whomever you choose to submit willingly to, will influence what type of ‘play’ you receive and when within your mutually agreed limits. This means you CANNOT demand scripted scenarios, or request a certain form of session. You receive whatever your Mistress chooses or fancies from the pre agreed repertoire. BUT and this is a big one, if is not safe, sane or your haven't consented to it – you are allowed to say no and if need be walk away from it with no come back.
2. Pro fetish people then – Pro being short for Professionial(s). This is where is gets more complicated and I'll do my best to break it down for those reading, please forgive my approach of presenting it as if all readers are new or novices – not teaching those who already know, how to suck the preverbial egg. Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, different types of professionals. There are those who come from a lifestyle back ground and those who just offer a service but don't live and breath it so to speak. And there we have the first key piece of information about a professional, they offer a service in exchange for a fee – expect to pay these people. The second key piece of information regarding professionals is this, they are an on demand kink dispenser of sorts. Meaning if you have a script or a particular area of interest, then the right Mistress for you will service that need you have. Which neatly brings me to different types of Mistresses, there are many.
What IS a Mistress in the sense of the fetish/BDSM world? A Mistress is a woman in a position of authority and or control, who is skilled in BDSM. Mistress is the usual title given to these women unless they choose one of the others mentioned earlier.
Traditional Mistresses of BDSM will discribe themselves as a Dominatrix, Domina or Domme. Along with their chosen title of Mistress, Godess, Queen or Lady. These women are not to be confused with the definition of a mistress being the other woman who provides extramarital sex. If you ask for or expect sexual services from these women, you will not only be very rude but you also cause offence.
There is a growing trend of online Mistresses and young ladies, especially on twitter and other social networks. Who call themselves a Mistress, but are not proficient in experience or training in the ways of all things BDSM. Though some are eager and doing a reasonable job, others are down right dangerous – in that they promise everything take huge sums of money up front only to blackmail you afterwards (these girls should check first if financial domination is what you actually wanted) or they will order or force individuals, to do things that do end up in a lengthy stay in hospital. How can you tell if the Mistress you like the look of is one of these sort? They usually don't have their own official website, they will ask for very large sums of money up front, and you will likely get a nigaling feeling that something isn't sitting well with you about it. But they may also be exactly the type of Mistress you are looking for.
Last we have the sex workers – prostitutes, escorts and courtesans. These ladies offer sex and the fantasy of kinky things along with that. Some will just dress up and play at it, others will pride themselves in the experience they offer and go a bit further
From the feedback my own clients give me, there is usually a clear cut difference that those of us who are a Dominatrix or Domme, to those who aren't. Which is usually that we know about your fetish already and aren't grossed out or offended by your request(s) – so long as it isn't actual sex that is.
… I’m going to pause here for now, but will finish this off over the next few days. So do check back ...